The Day of the Triffids (2009)

I’ve struggled with this one all night. Rather unusually for me I am reviewing something ultra fresh that peers, family and friends have seen. I have been fed back. Oddly it seems to have been liked by some people!

Lets get this out of the way. The review will contain spoilers. If you actually want to see the programme (though I'm not sure why) watch it first then come back and see if you agree with me.

First lets address change. The original book was written in 1947 so yes some adaptation would be needed to bring it up to date to a degree. (Bill comments on the lack of horses in the street outside if i recall correctly!) however surprisingly little does not translate directly into today's society. The two biggest changes to the plot and characters and in my opinion the most damaging to the story in general are these.

• The solar flares don't damage the eyes as such its actually one big apocalyptic flare. This simply does not work. Surely a very large and significant portion of society would not be looking at the sky at this time. The whole idea was that the flares were degenerative with people totally unaware that they would wake up blind. This leads us to the other aspect of the insta-blindness nonsense. It is far more effective that the population of the world woke up blind. It aids confusion but doesn’t create a 28 days later style disaster scenario. Planes manage to land. Cars get parked. The world dies with a whimper. Far more effective in my opinion.
• Point 2 is the physical changes to the Triffids whose very name evokes the fact that they have 3 roots or boles that they use for comical locomotion. The Triffids are not threatening. They are comical and seen as a joke. This is why Bill has such difficulty in convincing the other survivors of the threat. In this adaptation they are fast and motile with lashy tendrils and stuff.

  

Lets use a simile. A man comes to you an explains that some poisonous biting snails have escaped. They are a great threat…do you believe him? The same man tells you that a gang of velociraptors have gotten out. You know velociraptors exist. With this in mind the pig headed denial that Triffids are dangerous seems just that. How stupid are these people?

Another huge sticking point for me was believability.

• I couldn’t believe that blinding a population makes them turn into zombies (get a stick people, have a chat maybe, don't just wander around being violent!)
• Police in genera do not have Firearms in the UK, and they likely never will. Add to this that vans full of automatic weapons don't tend to be laying around on motorways especially as the blindness happened with no warning so there was no state of emergency and no reason to issue weapons?
• Why in the name of all that is holy do you breed Triffids an a big room full of plants? That is like keeping black widow spiders in a big room full of plastic black widows and fake webs? SIlly silly silly.
• Eddie Izzard is made of strong stuff. Just cram yourself into a loo with some air filled life jackets and you can survive an unguided plane crash into the heart of London. Your clothes will get a bit charred but you will walk away like an extra from the A-Team.

The final nail in the coffin for me was the massive plot holes. Of course the main one is the aforementioned solar flares but we also have the lunacy of…

• Triffid farms without a failsafe, surely if they are that easy to breed and power fails just have a bloody great sprinkler of weedkiller come on?
• Guns galore in a largely gun free society.
• Mentions of people avoiding the flares in the underground…but no sign of them.
• Clear roads when we want to go somewhere, packed ones when we want drama (this is why the going to sleep and waking up blind scenario WORKS)
• Newspapers that get strewn about for no real reason (other then it looks apocalyptic)

The burying of the coffin is done by the sheer idiocy shown by the characters in this adaptation.

• A Triffid expert goes into a Triffid infested “orchard” with lots of Triffid hiding greenery and fails to put on one single piece of the blatantly available anti Triffid gear
• A Triffid expert tells somebody who knows NOTHING about Triffids that they are dangerous. He gets ignored.
• Despite all the guns nobody picks one up.
• Sighted people seem to be all thugs
• Why does Coker seem to think that one blind person to 2 or 3 sighted is a good ratio? Doesnt this make the whole idea of helping the blind rather pointless?

Add the this the giddy rushing of what was and still is a meticulously crafted tale of mans downfall and you get 28 Days Later with plants. I prefer my zombie flicks with Zombies thanks. I would rather my thoughtful and excellently plotted treatises of the weakness of the human race and its dependence on just 5 senses to be just that. Beeb…you fucked up.

Watch…think and point and laugh. Then watch the far superior 1980s adaptation or even better read the book, it has dated rather well.

Paul out…and not sure if he is coming back for the rest tonight

ADDENDUM: Part 2

There is no real improvement for part 2, the story continues to be execrable crap but as it diverges so heavily from Wyndham I don’t care as much.

Additional bollocks is the call to London (don’t worry about the rotting corpses and the solid wall of Triffids, not to mention the big barrier they have built?), the fact that Bills papa managed to stay sighted, the little girls managing to find machine guns and ammo, the nonsense about sacrifice, roaring plants and of course the latest sci-fi magic bullet…genetic engineering. The icing of course is the mask based finale. What the hell was all THAT about! The big difference between the parts however is that this section is damned boring!

I would like to offer my sincere apologies to the Wyndham Estate on behalf of the BBC licence payers. We do not condone this bastardisation of his Magnum Opus and would have given anything to keep the story murdering Patrick Harbinson from this project. We affirm that we will do all and any within out power to prevent Mr Harbinson from ever adapting a book again.

Generally if it is a crap idea it was Harbinsons. The good content would have been Wyndham. Of course, if you liked it, I apologise but would remind you that it is time for the next treatment.

Paul out…for good.

American Pie Presents The Book of Love

I would like to say That the Book of Love is a triumphant return to form for the iconic American Pie series. I cant. It is absolute and utter shite on a stick.

The underlying premise of the original was to forget about the concept of treating women as objects and our heroes get lied purely through their understanding of women as women rather then transport layers for a pair of tits. Book of Love treats almost every woman as a transport layer for tits.

I am actually still watching as a write this. I am that bored, tit count is through the roof but they are all american perfect 10 tits. Every woman looks and acts in entirely the same way. They ALL look the same.

At the end of the day it is clear that American Pie is now simply about $$$.

Elf

If there is one thing Hollywood has taught me its this…NEVER TRUST THE TRAILER. In this case its a good thing because that trailer really doesn't do Elf justice. Rather then being a silly slapstick loonfest as depicted in the trail it is actually a reasonably well thought out and heart-warming Christmas story.

Ferrel as Buddy the adopted elf is excellent but to be honest the entire cast shine in particular the gorgeous Zooey Deschanel, scary James Caan and Bob Newheart as the delightfully deadpan Papa Elf. Elf really is just a silly Christmas movie but it is one with style and head and shoulder above the general saccharine tinted nonsense that we are normally treated to. I avoided Elf for far too long. Well worth a look.

One particular scene of note is when Buddy hears Santa is coming to the Department Store and confronts the imposter…

Paul out…and sitting on a “Throne of Lies”

Gamer (2009)

Every now and then somebody has an idea, a concept. Normally they are pissed up playing something like second life and they say…”wouldn't it be sick if these dudes were real?” which leads to “WTF if CS:S was real lolz that wud Roxxers dud3”. Ok maybe I am ridiculing the film and game players more then they deserve because Gamer is actually one of the more acceptable game based movies I have seen. It obviously was written by someone that has seen a computer (a real one NOT a Mac!)

Gamer takes the concept of a real avatar and runs with it, managing to flesh out a reasonable film from what could have been a very tired premise very quickly. Instead the pervert played second life style “Society” and the Modern Warfare style “Slayers” work in the dystopian society in which they are set. The film is heavily redolent of Bladerunner and The Running Man but still manages to put its own twist on those future nightmares.It was rather odd to see Michael C. Hall (Dexter Morgan) in a movie role and as this is normally one of those signs of a really bad film. In this case the fears are unfounded and, despite some ropey CGI cityscapes (the ads in particular) the film manages to pass the time admirably.

Cinematography is patchy and varies from dark and simple to absolutely outstanding. As you can see from the screenshots in some of the HD scenes you could count the pores on Kables (Gerard “Leonidas” Butler) face. Music also is patchy with what would seem to be a small amount of cash put into the score. What seems to have happened here is a budget spent on effects, this does pay off spectacularly however even if it does leave the film feeling somewhat unbalances lurching at times between TV Movie and Hollywood Blockbuster in style. The demographic that is appealed to here is the Gamer and I can see this audience lapping this one up. It doesn't bear much examination under the microscope but neither do some of the classic pivotal sci-fi’s and this is no bad thing as it really is film to watch, enjoy and put away.

An aspect that has been glossed over in trailers and reviews for the “violence” angle is the second game featured called society. This one is virtually a step for step mirror of the game Second Life with costumes, looks and styles almost frame for frame like those seen in game. This was extremely disturbing, almost more so then the killing, as player gave up their existence to entertain paying customers. In essence becoming whores to the game. With no limits in this society real people truly do become toys. With movie adaptations on gaming subjects looking more and more like the Pacman trailer below Gamer is a great shot in the arm, maybe at last games are hitting the mainstream.

Serious Quitters Arcade (Sponsored Post)

Sponsored Post

I have been asked to take a look at Pfizers Serious Quitters Arcade so here we go with what looks to a be a simple but very polished website.

The concept is clean and clear and we are left in no doubt that the fun hides a serious message, the site really exists as a conduit to help those that wish to quit smoking access the tools and support to do so.

I have quite an odd perspective on this one as I am a lifelong confirmed non-smoker (seriously not one puff!) I blame this on my rubbish peers, where was the pressure guys? On a sensible note though quitting smoking is a very serious business and companies like Pfizer are realising it can also be a profitable business. One way to exploit this trend is by direct advertising of your products but this can be seen as cynical and exploitative. Instead campaigners need another way to bring their products to light.

Quitters arcade is a nice way of doing this. Its a reasonably simple website with three firmly old school arcade style games embedded in it, each with a smoking theme. You have the side scrolling shooter, platform and test of skill games all well rendered and presented along with a netwide scoreboard for the more competitive amongst us. This is also nicely linked to Facebook and embeddable in blogs etc. As to whether it could help you quit or not I don’t know but it certainly can keep your fingers occupied and that's a step in the right direction! As I said in opening it also provides a nice stepping off portal for more serious ways to tackle the addiction and deep down I think that that is really all it is trying to do.

Here have a go at Bin ‘um